I was married before for just over 7 years from '03-'10. During those 7 years we had two beautiful little boys. Caden is my oldest. He was 3 the last that I saw his beautiful smile and held his sweet body in my arms. Little Hyrum was just over 1 and as I recall was distracted with playing more then wanting to say goodbye to mom and dad that day. He of course had no understanding of the change that was occurring that day in all of our lives. My angels would be taken care of by my best friend all growing up, my little sis Lindsey and her hardworking country boy husband Josh. They are some of the most courageous, loving, selfless people that I know. When I had become too sick to care for my little ones and my ex was unable to parent them in a way that we both felt that C and H deserved. We made the most difficult decision of our lives, but because of the shaky future ahead we decided it would be best to give them a more secure situation where they would still be unconditionally loved and taught the gospel of Jesus Christ. My wonderful sister and her good husband decided to take on that huge responsibility and challenge. I am and will always be eternally grateful for the love and care that they give my little boys!
I miss my sweet boys everyday but I miss them so much more during this time of year. Hyrum turned 6 years a couple days ago and like every year since I had Hyrum I wonder about all the little details that happens around his birthday. I picture in my head what it might be like. I wondered this year if he got to celebrate it in kindergarten with cupcakes or something. Maybe he got to wear one of those paper hats all day to help him feel special and loved. I wonder if he's like his grandpa R and eats chocolate cake without any frosting on it. I wonder what he wishes for when he blows out the candles or if he's so excited that he just ends up blowing them out without making a wish at all. I wonder if he knows if I give him a gift, if he even likes what I get him. Have you ever tried to give someone a thoughtful, loving, fun gift when you haven't seen them, or spoke to them for 5 years?...it's a little challenging for me, but I'm grateful that Lins and Josh are willing to let me send H and C something each year. I enjoy every little small detail I get to learn about how C and H are doing. I am so grateful that all of my family still gets to be a part of their lives.
This year I was able to receive a gift a little bit of a memory, not much, but it's more than I've had before and I wanted to write it down so I would never forget it again. (Because of treatments that I have had I have forgotten almost all of Hyrum's first year of life, and well much more of my life but I ache to remember the good times I had when I was with my boys more than any other memory I have lost because of these treatments.) My memories are a little scattered so bear with me please.
I had a dream when I was pregnant with Hyrum which is the reason why I chose Hyrum to be my sons name. He is named after Hyrum Smith Joseph's brother because I knew from this dream that like Hyrum was to Joseph my H would have a huge impact and be a great support to his older brother and his others siblings. He would be calm and strong and be able to bring everyone together and keep the sibling bond strong. I of course thought this was regarding C and any other children that I would have in the future, but it makes perfect sense now that H is now living in the Chambers family. Where they now have added two little boys of their own to the mix and maybe add a few more in the future.
I remember that I started contractions late in the morning of the 11th. I had my mother take me to the hospital later that afternoon because my ex was working and would be working late into the night. She took C for his first of many sleepovers and grandma and grandpa R.'s house. I was anxious that day. I didn't want you to be born on the 11th because of the awful attacks that happened to America 5 years previous, but mostly I was anxious for his father to make it there in time for the birth.
H came after a lot of pushing and hard work at 1:14am Tuesday Sept. 12 with his dad by my side. He even cut the cord. I was beyond exhausted. I was shaking, not from being cold but being so weak and tired.
I remember when they placed H in my arms. I cried. He was soooo beautiful. I was so grateful he was here and safe. I remember feeling that peace that you can only feel when holding a new born in your arms. He had just been near our Maker. It was so peaceful and incredible. It was amazing and way too short!!! The nurse took H away because though he'd gave a small cry when they first put him in my arms that was it, they became concerned. H was fine. Oh, how I wish they would have let me hold him longer. It was a perfect moment of love and peace that I felt for my new sweet son.
My sister Crystal brought C to meet his new brother. C loved H and was trying to share his cars with him. :) C was a little nervous with me being in the hospital bed I believe. He didn't really want to come near me. Though when C left he finally gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.
H's dad went back to work later that day. Came back to get us the following morning to take us home.
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| C & H Sept. 12 2006 |
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| So Handsome!! |
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| Wide awake. :) |
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| Cheez'n it! Thanks Crystal for these wonderful pictures! |
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